Low Emotional Intelligence: 13 Signs You Probably Have It

Emotional intelligence.

You may not be aware of it. It may be something you wouldn’t really bother to know.

But what does having low emotional intelligence imply? Does having it mean disaster?

To set a bit of groundwork, let’s use the definition of emotional intelligence by John Mayer and Peter Salovey—two people who have made a significant contribution on the subject:

Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth.

Other definitions of the term have come out, but they all basically have the same gist.

Also, discussions on emotional intelligence won’t be complete without mentioning Daniel Goleman, whose 1995 book “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ” made the term popular to this day.

Having low emotional intelligence could take its toll if you don’t watch out for it. Times may be tough, but you can be tougher. Needless to say, that doesn’t mean you have to deal with everyday life compromising your emotions and wellbeing.

Below are thirteen signs you might be having low emotional intelligence.

1. You consistently perform poorly at work.

Studies show that around 90% of top performers in the workplace have high emotional intelligence, while the bottom 20% of the list also do have the same. Someone with low emotional intelligence may still perform well, but the odds are much lower.

Focus requires managing emotions or feelings that may only get in the way, like what mental focus would also require.

2. You criticize others on every chance you get.

Do you like to gossip? Aside from the truth that a person who gossips with you will also gossip about you, consider this: Criticizing people—whether they know it or not—will never do anyone good. The only exception is, of course, constructive criticism, which could even be delicate at times. Constructive criticisms are usually required in some workplaces—sometimes, only when someone isn’t efficiently working anymore.

In any case, being critical of others is definitely not the way to go.

Proactively finding solutions would be your best immediate response. If you think about it, does creating unnecessary buzz help at all?

Emotional intelligence is about empathy. Everybody lives on the same planet. Why not just help in making it better rather than find fault in others?

3. You just lose it—almost every time.

Some people say anger management doesn’t exist. Well, I also wouldn’t advocate suppressing your emotions. That would simply be impossible. And inhumane. Life is too short to live like a robot.

But what if every word your spouse, or a close friend, or even a stranger, says just irks you, and your mood eventually changes as if you’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed? Do other people, whether inside or outside the house, easily irritate you? Do you easily form mixed emotions when you accidentally eavesdrop on strangers’ conversations? Do you feel offended when someone politely disagrees with your views? Do you hate it when someone offers a hand without you asking for it?

Yes, those could all be a solid sign of low emotional intelligence.

4. You can’t lead, or work in, a team.

Not a leader in your little circle? No problem! Here’s the thing: Leadership skills aren’t always necessarily possessed only by the group leader. You belong to a group or organization for a reason, which, most probably, is what you can uniquely contribute to it—your skills, your character, or your visions. Sure, you may have some reasons for yourself, but joining groups that interest you also means you want to reach out to others, to interact.

And part of that leadership is being able to communicate your mind and heart out. To persuade those who listen. To make them understand a purpose you’re bringing to the table.

If you can’t do all that due to your inability to manage your emotions, then think twice if you happen to be literally offered a managerial opportunity.

Leaders who don’t consider what their subordinates think, regularly manifest emotional outbursts, or abuse their power and authority to lead others—however competitive these leaders are—most probably won’t be effective.

5. You’re not mindful of others’ feelings.

Another example in which empathy is simply neglected, which, by the way, might already be taking place at your office right now. (Some leaders are indeed tough empathy has no place to them.)

Consider your manager, or superior. Can you openly tell him about your concerns? Are you comfortable telling him your sentiments without reservations? Do you actually look up to him? Does he inspire you to be better?

The truth is, your superior could be the most qualified person you’ve ever come across. He might’ve earned that position through hard work. But if he isn’t sensitive to how you feel or think, tension may only arise, and you may not work well as a team.

Being mindful doesn’t mean he has to give in to every request his team may ask of him. It’s making sure that everybody else understands situations, and when the group makes a decision, everybody respects that decision. A direction has to be taken.

A superior with low emotional intelligence can make a decision for his company, but will hardly tell how his subordinates would think about it.

Okay, so you’re the superior? You run your own business? Same things will apply.

6. Blaming others comes naturally.

A person with high emotional intelligence keeps their emotions under control—in any situation—to think clearly, and look for solutions to problems that arise. They think that blaming others is inappropriate, it does absolutely nothing. They know that circumstances that happen to them are a product of their own actions, whether directly or indirectly, even if it’d seem that someone else is the cause of some ugly event.

A person with low emotional intelligence will easily blame what they call their “misfortune” on others, as easily as not making an effort to understand their emotions.

Reflect on yourself a bit. It’s never too late. Even old age doesn’t mean it’s too late. You are the manager of your life. Start acting it by reminding yourself that you are responsible for your actions.

7. You’re afraid to try anything new.

People with low emotional intelligence won’t get out of their comfort zone. They’re happy with things and routines they’ve been having for a long time. It may be due to their unique capabilities or personal preferences after all. But they won’t easily entertain new ideas, experiences or philosophies. They wouldn’t like to be challenged in unfamiliar ways. What they haven’t heard about before, they’ll most probably disregard it in a heartbeat.

Are you open-minded? I don’t mean simply engaging in conversations only to find out later that you’ve totally forgotten what you just talked about. Being open-minded is thinking about something you’ve never heard of before—and deciding to apply it in your life. Apollo 11 landed on the moon—it was the first feat of its kind. Your wildest dreams in life may not be falling into place yet, but it doesn’t mean they’re not coming.

8. You let all kinds of negativity get you.

I recently told a friend, without the intention to judge, that she should start looking at things in a different, and positive, light. She simply seems to see things from a negative angle—always—even if a story is supposed to be wonderful and inspiring.

Okay, I won’t deny that sometimes it happens to me, too. But when it happens, I remind myself that my thinking must only be clouded by a bad mood, negative people or some adversity. Being able to recognize that is a very important skill to hone, otherwise, you’ll only get yourself suckered into thinking that there’s simply no hope, when unpleasant moments come.

Low emotional intelligence people would think exactly like that, without bothering to look outside the box. They usually perceive things to be toxic, which they handle with a toxic attitude, too. When stress, anxiety or some other feeling of unrest attacks, they give in. They disregard the truth that taking care of themselves is priority, and it would mean managing their thoughts, their emotions, to work around these attacks productively. It is worth noting to say, however, that I believe in professional help. You may find all these signs I talk about, but as I always say, seeking professional help when you truly need it isn’t something to be embarrassed about—ever.

9. You can’t read people’s facial expressions.

And thus you need to work on your social skills.

This is like a fundamental in emotional intelligence, whether you’re merely socializing in an event or you’re a leader in your industry.

Don’t know how to say something for a response? Afraid they may not like it? You have no idea what they just said because they were smiling?

Emotional intelligence is about connecting to others. It’s discerning how others would behave when you’re around them—because you also know yourself—others become a reflection of you. If done genuinely, it creates harmony. There seems to be a dark side of this, though—mastering emotions could mean the ability to manipulate others. But if you know your values, if you want to play everything fair, then I say there shouldn’t be a problem at all.

10. When adversities come, you give up.

Some four-year-olds were put to the test. A marshmallow was put in front of them and they were told not to touch it until the researcher returned after running some errand. The same children were tested again when they turned adolescents. The children, who followed the researcher’s instructions when they were four, turned out to be better at managing their life when they turned adults, in general, than those who failed to follow.

People with low emotional intelligence, like the kids who failed in the test, will give up when problems come. They won’t face them, or they’ll delay facing them, because dealing with adversities is simply too much. No one wants any hassles, of course, but high emotional intelligence people are not shortsighted. These people understand that problems do exist and overcoming them is actually for the better.

11. You’re bitter.

When you’re bitter about your failures, you’ll most probably be bitter about the success of others, too.

Failures, to people with low emotional intelligence, will include dissatisfaction with results they get from their progress, not realizing that progress is already great as it is. When you do have low emotional intelligence, your failures, or frustrations, tend to be magnified. And you focus on them more than the many other things worth celebrating.

Failures are stepping stones to success—I personally believe this. Sometimes, a positive outlook is all it takes.

12. You keep on arguing—even when there’s no point already.

People with low emotional intelligence think about themselves first, and that means they want to look right, even if the argument already calls for “agreeing to disagree.” They just won’t let it go.

On the other hand, those who have high emotional intelligence know that in the face of disagreement, they’ll still respect everybody’s opinion, and settle on a common ground. They’ll try not to violate anyone as much as possible. They’ll play it fair. They’ll promote a healthy environment.

Low emotional intelligence people mind their ego, big time. They don’t want to appear wrong, even though it’s beside the point. They want the defeat of others. Situations will usually turn awkward with this kind of people, but they won’t mind.

If you find yourself always looking to “win” in all arguments you encounter, perhaps you need a little working on your emotional intelligence.

13. You look for motivation in the wrong places.

Intrinsic motivation is all that matters.

If you have a low self-esteem, you’ll tend to find motivation outside. Now, there isn’t really anything wrong with that, except when you forget your real purpose because you look only for extrinsic motivation.

This may truly be a sign of having low emotional intelligence. When you fully depend on how the world around you goes, without finding your own voice. When you much imitate a person you admire. When you compare yourself with others. When you don’t believe in yourself.

Go back to your goals, especially long-term goals. Enrich the skills you already have. Form good habits that will overcome bad ones. Be motivated from within.

Think About It

There are different takes on emotional intelligence. If you ask me, people could be subjective on the topic. Some say emotional intelligence is overrated. Some say it depends on one’s social class.

But at the end of the day, your goals and outlook in life will work hand in hand with your emotional intelligence.

Do you want peace? Do you want to excel in your industry? Do you want to build better relationships? Do you want to live in the moment?

I guess looking for the right questions will set a right start for you. Remember, people, whether with high or low emotional intelligence, could be successful in their own terms. What you’ll need to choose is the whole process you’re willing to go through to reach the place you want to be.

Just in case you’re feeling down about all this, having a low emotional intelligence isn’t that bad—you can improve it! And if you really want something, you will find ways, and you will get it!

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33 thoughts on “Low Emotional Intelligence: 13 Signs You Probably Have It”

  1. I agree to most of the factors. It also happens with me that people can easily trust me and i always keep their trust but mine from sharing a little thing to finding a companion, is always broken. What are the full proof tips to be motivated no matter what? I am tired of being an average person

    1. Hi Tanu,

      Sorry to hear about that; sometimes it can be hard to find someone you could really trust.

      I’m a believer of finding motivation from within–looking for your purpose, or something you really love doing. I don’t want to depend my motivation from other people, or from the outside world, so to speak.

      Hope you’re doing fine. Believe me when I say that in many cases, time is all we need.

      Thanks for dropping by.


  2. After reading this, I strongly belief I have a high emotional intelligence. However, some people I know keep insisting I have a low EQ. It kind of bothers me. I’m not really sure how I appear to them but I think they misunderstand the term EQ. How would you coin the term EQ in one sentence? Might I really just have low EQ?

    1. Hi Sheep,

      Good for you for being aware as far as your EQ is concerned.

      To be honest, though, I also can’t tell … what I think you should do is ask someone (from those who insist that you have a low EQ) why they say so. Or have them read a common reference and discuss about it later.

      Hear their whole reasoning first? Because it seems you’re indeed already having a misunderstanding with them.

      In a sentence, I guess … EQ is your ability to manage your–and others’–emotions. It’s not only about you. (Yeah, two sentences.)

      The important thing right now is that you’re being aware about the subject. There are just things (many or few) that could hurt down the road if we know nothing about them.

      Thanks for sharing your story. Take care.

      1. Pardon me, however, you may misunderstand EQ… EQ is shorthand for “Emotional Quotient” more commonly known as “empathy.” Or the ability to understand other people’s feelings and emotions. I have a very low EQ (a mere 15 on a scale to 80) however, I am a very emotionally stable person and a great listener from what people tell me. So, to sum it up simply, you can have a low EQ while having a completely average level of emotional intelligence.

  3. Hello,

    I read all the books about emotional inteligence and my EQ is still very low. I have no money to go somewhere and learn it (Im from Slovenia). And my daughter will get it from me. I shout at her instead at people which Im really angry with. Its just sad because Im not aware of it before a day after…It always comes after me. Im a single mother with 3 years old child. Is there any hope for me? Is there any online free course?

    1. Hi Katarina,

      Thanks for sharing your story. I appreciate it. And kudos to you for reading books! 🙂

      Of course, there’s hope. I believe there always is, no matter what (even age isn’t really an excuse).

      Anyway, I found this. Haven’t tried it, though, but it looks helpful.


      Also, I used to hang out on these forums. (Note: I’m not affiliated with them.)

      http://www.uncommonforum.com/ — Just beware: there are a few guys here who’d give you straight-to-the-point advice some people don’t like them (those guys and their advice). But that’s primarily the reason I love this forum. You ask for help, they give it to you–even when reality bites.

      http://forum.psychlinks.ca/ — Really friendly people. I respect the admins over there–they seem to really know what they talk about, especially on mental or emotional health.

      http://forums.psychcentral.com/ — I simply like the community 🙂

      Just take it slow. People have different views on anger management, or other issues in general. Human behavior could be complicated, and it’s a wonderful thing in my opinion.

      Whatever you learn, just remember that some may or may not work for you. You could compromise a bit, or wait some more.

      At this point it’s just great you’re being aware of these things.

      I wish you and your child the best.

      Hope this helps.

  4. Hello, thank you for your reply.. You gave me a lot of work now..:)..I did join one forum already…and it helped (the last one you mentioned, it has some personality tests). Thank you also for good wishes! All the best to everybody here.

  5. Thank you so much for this article. I’ve always been a person in making my EQ better, and on my way in making it better I found this article which helped me a lot! Thanks!

  6. Hi thank you for this nice article i have a question. if i reacted to a situation where i quit my job because of a certain event that bothered me from on of the employees does i mean that i have a low emotional intelligence?

    1. Hi Tatiana,


      I’m sorry to hear that (especially if you quit your job). Well, reacting is certainly normal, and I bet if you quit your job there must be something else that’s bothering you–perhaps the “situation” per se wasn’t it; there might be something else significant.

      I can’t really judge whether you do have a low EI/EQ, same goes for other people, too. Especially if I don’t know the story (and stories tend to be distorted sometimes).

      One reason I wrote this post was that sometimes I noticed these signs in me (and still do), but I didn’t want to resort to just thinking that I’ve had it and feeling some kind of self-pity. I’m not saying that you’re having self-pity, but when someone asks me whether they have a low EI, I wanna tell them that no, you don’t have a low EI, and even if you do, it’s perfectly fine, because the thing is that you became more self-aware after reading this article.

      And based from the short comment you posted, I don’t think you have a low EI. (Seriously 🙂 ) If something’s bothering you, you have to deal with it–even if it means leaving.

      Let me just share a similar experience. I worked for a company in which in just four months I found I wasn’t happy, it was even making my life miserable. There were a few “situations” that seemed to have piled up, but the last one seemed rather whimsical that I said, “Screw this, I’m leaving.”

      Back then, I didn’t really know/appreciate what EI could do. Did I have a low EI? Probably–I don’t care anymore. But do I still have a low EI? I’m sure it’s not that low as before. And now I think quitting that job was worth it 🙂

      Don’t be too hard on yourself (if you are already). I’m glad if this article helped you, but I’m pretty sure you’re doing just fine 🙂

  7. Wow!! I’ve been trying to work through some big issues in my marriage and i am the only one putting in any effort. Compromise, tolerance, empathy and positive thoughts have been met by a stonewalling husband with 101 excuses. I couldn’t pinpoint what the main problem was that we were struggling with and after reading your article I’ve had an epihany! My husband has very low eq! I can see it written all over his face. I’ve tried so many different approaches to help raise his awareness and cognition but it is all met with defence. I am at my wits end and am contemplating giving up for the sake of peace and happiness in my life. I do not think this lightly but I am stuck as to help restore harmony in our house. If he fails to acknowledge his emotions are my efforts futile?

    1. Hi Haley,

      Thanks for sharing your experiences, and I hope you and your husband are doing better now.

      I don’t think your efforts, or any other kinds of efforts for that matter, are futile—because you’re trying. Even if you make an effort, say, today, and then do it again after two weeks, nothing is ever futile. (At least to me.) Generally we can’t be successful overnight, lots of people say … but another way of seeing it: taking small steps at a time. I’d prefer efforts over results. Keep going; you’ll eventually get to where you *really* want to be.

      Anyway, have you tried counseling? I appreciate you taking the time to read this post, but could it be remotely possible that you had a wrong epiphany? 🙂

      Maybe there’s another reason for such behavior. Maybe he’s changed? Or something else has changed in the relationship?

      I wouldn’t jump into conclusions straightaway after stumbling upon an article that struck a chord. I wouldn’t dismiss it either.

      If your epiphany were right, however (because of this post), then I’d be so glad I was able to help. In any case, I really suggest you go through some counseling. There are professionals, of course, but you may want to try the head of or someone else from your church (for example), or close friends who you think can be impartial when giving you advice.

      Wishing you all the best. I hope this helps.

  8. Hi. I have read books and online articles on improving my emotional.intelligence and tried applying the lessons but fail miserably. It has affected by relationships at work with peers and my direct reports. Are there careers for people with low emotional IQ?

    1. Hi Liz,

      That’s a tough question, affirmed by a quick Google search 🙂

      I’m sorry to hear that. At some point I believe I’ve been in a similar case; it’s like everybody else just seemed off, and I started to wonder if it’s really them who had the problem.

      My question to you, however, is: Are you asking the right question?

      Why settle for that kind of job, if any? Shouldn’t you be working on something more important? Perhaps you’re only missing something with books and online articles that you need another sort of help already?

      On the other hand, maybe you’re just being hard on yourself. Seriously 🙂 Based on experience, I know of people who are confident with themselves, even though I didn’t expect it—I don’t mean to be patronizing, but it’s really good to see someone being confident. (Confidence is a manifestation of good EI.)

      It sounds like you’re giving up on this by asking that question, I don’t know, but you just might want to try again, with another approach?

      Hope it helps.

  9. Hi Ethan.
    Took my son to a therapist last week, she instantly pointed out he has a low EQ, so this been the first article i have on read on it, and just brought me to tears, finally we have the reasons for his constant lies and deception, he’s type 1 diabetic with ADD and hides food and lies about his blood test readings, and this has gone on for 7 years now, he;s now 13 and its getting worse by the week, let me say we do not stop him from having the same the foods as anyone else and he can have anything we have, just needs to put in insulin, its that simple, but yet we find wrappers hidden all over the place, and the lies he says to cover himself are unbelievable, we don’t mind him having these things at all, but we need to know what he has, but he will argue and believes everything hes saying.
    His main argument is ‘ But i wanted it!’, its all very sneaky and underhanded, My wife gets so upset and often is driven to tears and he doesn’t care at all, hes never shown a shred of empathy towards us, we are struggling to maintain a relationship with this child, and I’m ashamed to say that.. this is turning out to be therapy for me.. Anyway, lets hope the sessions with DR. help, and thank you for this Article

    Best regards


    1. Hi Jan

      Your story seems so similar to ours. Our 10 year old son seems to behave in exactly the same way. Lots of lies, deception and general disrespect towards people. We sit him down so often and have never managed to have a meaningful conversation that has actually “hit home” or changed his behaviour. No amount of talking or crying seems to ever affect him and he always tries to shift the blame and lashes out angrily in every type of conflict situation. I always said that I believe that he has low emotion intelligence, but never fully understood how that manifests itself in a child’s behaviour and outbursts. We just started play therapy and he ticked every box for low EQ. Agree on your statement that it turned out to be therapy for me. Even just understanding why he is behaving in the way that he does has made our home a far happier and healthier place to be. Although we are only at the start of therapy and no progress to report yet, I feel that I react to his behaviour in a far better way, having more empathy and understanding with the situation myself and that in turn has made him a far happier well behaved boy. Good luck on your journey!

    2. Hi Jan,

      Thanks so much for sharing your story. I wish you all the best. I may not be qualified to say this, and I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, but I don’t think you should be ashamed about it; it may be tough, but is not to be ashamed about. You should be proud for taking care of your son. It sounds to me that you’re great parents, so kudos to you.

      And you’re so welcome. I’m honored to be of help even in the smallest way.

    3. Hi Leonie,

      Thanks for chiming in. And for being an inspiration!

      I love what you said about understanding. I can only imagine kids who aren’t even given the chance on therapy.

      Good luck to you, too. I wish you all the best.

  10. Well, about 4 points of this list really describe how I am and what I do (they are things I already knew they were defects), but in turn, most of the others describe the opposite to how I am.
    I could suppose that I didn’t have a very very high EQ, and I am aware of my shortcomings in that area (it’s impossible not to be, they cause unhappiness in my life). But my question is: if I agree to 4-5 points of the list, not at all with some others, and not with the rest, do I have serious shortcomings when it comes to EQ? I certainly can imagine that my life would be much better if I changed just those 4 shortcomings (7, 8, 9 and 10)

  11. My teenage life has been moderate,but advents of social life made me very quiet and distant since first grade. Now im almost finishing teenage life and things still feel the same,i have little trust for friends,and i dont seem to work out with my schoolmates. I also receive feedbacks both my parents and teachers that im very emotional and too straight foward,and some say im just too darn serious. I could really ask for advice becauseim falling apart, am i a narccacist,a selfish,a manipulative person, i just dont know. I just want to learn to mix with people now. Pls help

  12. I am everything here except 7 & 11. I get mixed reviews at work. I am the highest performer technically and creatively but I am told that I never sell people on my ideas/new-ways but steamroller people or manipulate for advantage. In other words I have the Midas touch in that every project/task/problem/program I work on and the projects that I manage come out delivering above expectations, but 360 people feedback is along the lines of:
    -he made me feel stupid in X meeting
    -he doesn’t care about people only the task
    -he chewed me out viscously when I made a mistake because it caused him to work a weekend with me to fix it and he missed a Scouting event, I don’t want to work with someone who takes things so personally
    -he cannot give feedback without seeming mean(it is not what he says but how he says it)
    -he doesn’t understand that sometimes you need to lose to win, even if you are 100% right you may need to take it slow with change and you may have to do the wrong thing technically(at first to appease another’s ego) to preserve a long term relationship
    -he gets angry at anything he sees as ‘political’, and called me unethical for suggesting that if he added X that cost $Y to the project it would go a long way to showing good faith and getting reluctant stakeholders onboard, he needs help on how to work a corporate job

  13. I heard about this topic for the first time a few weeks ago. People say that I am extremely intelligent and my IQ tests do back that up. But after reading this I am not only concerned but I know that I would score very badly on an emotional intelligence test of any kind. I am a 43 year old engineer and hydrologist but I have been mentally ill since I was 19. I managed to get comfortably through school and all my academic activities solely relying on my intelligence. I have been sick for more than half of my life and I do not think that is going to get any better. That is a given! But for the last 10 years I have been developing more and more anger issues that I did not have before. I attribute that to my frustrations in life. Knowing that you are progressively getting worse and that there is no apparent escape or way out makes me frustrated and angry. Before, even though I was sick, I was optimistic but life, reality and science have proven to me that there is no point in caring for others if I cannot take care of myself. What worries me is that I do not care for anybody anymore and even though i do not want to hurt them; I just don’t care and I drive more and more people away. I know that this deviates a bit from the topic but I just would like to know if, Is it possible for people like me to develop high EI? Because I find it virtually impossible!

    1. Hi DJ,

      Thanks for posting and sharing your story.

      I don’t know if you’re going to believe this, but I kind of understand what you’re going through—I have lots of frustrations, and I believe I have a mental issue, too … except that I haven’t gone to consult a therapist yet. (I’m working on this.)

      I totally agree that we have to be “selfish” in a way before becoming “selfless” for others. I’m actually reading Mark Manson’s book, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” (although this might not be what you want to hear), but he points out what seem counterintuitive points about knowing ourselves. (It’s a great book so far.)

      Like, in your case: Why are you angry? Why are you frustrated?

      I’m no therapist, and I assume you’ve already done that part, but the answer could be that: you’re not really answering those questions, or at least, you haven’t accepted what could be the real reasons for your behavior.

      And just in case you didn’t know, accepting is totally fine. Sometimes (or most of the time) we make up big stories or make a big deal out of what’s going on around us when in fact, they’re just normal—frustration, anger, or pain are normal, and they could be the main driving force we need to get better.

      Regarding mental illness: as I said, I believe I have one, too, and I’m working on it. I’m quite in a place where this shouldn’t be talked about (see, I’m REALLY making a big deal out of it in my head, at this stage of my life).

      These are the cards given to us, and we have to deal with them. I realize that, with regard to my suspected mental glitch, I just have to work a bit harder on things other “normal” people do. And that’s okay. I just remember that I don’t have to compare myself with others, but I do feel freaking proud of myself outperforming who I was a week or month ago. I compete with only myself.

      Maybe I already digress, too, haha. But to answer your question: YES, EI can be improved.

      Just remember that the right answers might not be easy to accept, and sometimes they have to do with circumstances in our ancient past that we refuse to acknowledge. If we want to improve, we have to acknowledge them, because it’s the first step to understanding.

      Hope this helps, man. I think you’re doing a good job!

  14. after reading this i think i have a very low emotional iq but i have an high iq so we cant have it all right!!!!!

  15. Unfortunately at this time in l am almost all of the 13 the last 3 l am good with. It is a tuff place to be in life. Feel like l want to fight everybody. My marriage, we are scaring each other up pretty badly. Well l never say a word about her ever in any regard. But when you are this list she has much to point out and not always in a constructive manner.
    Anyways thanx for the list

  16. really performing poor at work is sign of the low emotional intelligence. It is difficult for me to agree with this. I think there are some situation which are responsible for your work results. can you please put more light on this?

  17. (My father and) I have extremely low EQs. I’d like to say mine is slightly better, but I definitely completely relate to each of the points. Depressing! I work on it though – I’d say I have phases where I’m doing really well, and then I get really moody and lash out and cover all of the above points.

  18. Excellent post!

    I hope you don’t mind but I linked to this in an upcoming post about emotional intelligence over on my blog. It’ll not be going live until June but I came across this and just had to add it in.

    – Nyxie

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